Up at 3 am

Good morning!

So, I am currently awake at 3:27 am. The reason? Well, lately I have been having a bit of throat pain, more than likely due to my overactive sinuses. So, I think a sore throat is what woke me up. But what gets me is I also have a dull ache somewhere between my jaw and my right ear. The whole right side of my face kinda hurts. I know (from a trip to the dentist a year ago) that I have a lot of dental work that needs done, cavities and stuff like that, but I haven't had the insurance or extra cash to get it taken care of. In addition, I have known for a while that my wisdom teeth in my lower jaw came in sideways, and are pushing against my normal teeth. This has created a space that cannot be cleaned, and is slowly decaying. Eventually I will have to have dental surgery to get these troublesome teeth removed, but it is expensive and there is a risk of facial nerve damage.

This is why I am concerned. If it is my wisdom tooth that is behind this ache, I am not sure I will be able to make it another three months of pain. Right now the pain is minimal, but in past experience within a month it will be too much to handle. In short, I am scared.

I am scared that I will have to do something about this tooth. I am scared I will have to leave before the end of the semester to get this tooth taken care of. I am scared I won't be able to graduate this fall, and that I won't have the money to do another semester in Japan. I am scared of Japanese dentist because what if they do something wrong? And what if I have to recover here in Japan? I am scared of facial nerve damage, and that my face is going to sag...

Normally I would ust pray about this, pray for healing. But lately I havent been following God. I know it. I have ben avoiding God because I know that I am disappointing Him with my life. So I have trouble praying right now for this tooth situation. Perhaps this is God's way of removing me from Japan, where I have been less than faithful. I hope not, but maybe.

If you guys can keep me in prayer, it would be greatly appreciated. Not only about my tooth, and kinda lastly about my tooth, but that I put God first as my priority.

In other news, I went running again today ^_^ This is kinda an unexpected happiness. I enjoy going for my runs, and the thought of losing weight. I just want to be careful not to be vain. But I do love the runs I have gone on.

Thanks everyone! Jay!

I love running! ^______^

The title says it all, I love running! Today I went for another half an hour run with my friend Josh. I have started running in an attempt to lose weight, but I had to take a two day break because I was in alot of pain from my first day of running. >_<

Today、though, I was determined to get back to it, and I did. I felt great afterwards! Relaxed and worn out and great! ^_^ I managed to jog the whole time, a vast improvement over my first attempt at running. Though, truth be told, tomorrow I am probably going to hurt like no other >_<

What else...?

Well, in a few weeks I am planning a American food night/Japanese-American Mafia game. I am excited for it, and I think it will be alot of fun. My friend Jensin is handling the Japanese in the Mafia game, while I will be doing the English. I am going to make Philly Cheese Steaks and probably two other things (not sure what yet, so any suggestions on American food would be appreciated, especially non baked foods, as we don't have a oven).

I have made two new Japanese friends recently, Hide and Yuuki. Both seem like pretty cool guys....

uh... Still failing to be the man God wants me to be.

Other than that, not much is going on. Just having fun here in Tokyo!

Hope all is well wherever you are! God Bless!

While this is my first post on my google blog, like the title says, it’s been a while ( a month and a day to be precise) since I last wrote (on any form of blog or journal). This has led me to the conclusion that I need to post something, anything, just to get some thoughts down and share my life in Japan. To that end, here it goes! yosh! (Pronounced yosh but spelled yoshi and roughly means "alright!", or "let's do this!". No, it is not a reference to Mario's super awesome pet dinosaur, Yoshi, even though I totally wished I owned a Yoshi in real life! ^_^)

In the past month I have done so many things that it is hard to know what to write about.

I have visited temples and shrines in Kamakura (kinda boring, but I learned that the Triforce is actually a family crest from some old school important Japanese family that helped build a lot of temples in Kamakura, so that was cool! ^_^)

I have been both excited and bored with my classes at Meiji Gakuin.

I have been to Akihabara, Jiyuugaoka, Shibuya, Harajuku, Gotanda, and so many other places and have loved them all (well, expect Harajuku, but the church there is kinda awesome!)

I went to the Tsukiji fish market and discovered that 1. Seeing dead fish makes the part of me that wanted to be a marine biologist both cringe and get pretty excited. 2. I CANNOT eat raw fish >_< 3. Hanging out and speaking only Japanese is alot of fun 4. Rainy days are a bad time to visit a fish market, especially when your jeans are a bit too long and manage to soak up the mixture of rain water and fish juices that is everywhere. 0.0

I have made semi plans to both visit the ocean and to climb mount Fuji!

I have found out I don't have any clue what to buy Kevin and Amy.

I have relearned that I procrastinate, and that procastination, in the end, always sucks.

I have discorved that I am more Otaku than I wanted to admit. I have now fallen in love with several Gundam Animes, Ouran High School Host Club, Maid outfits >_<, and doing other assorted dorky things... I must recover some dignity...

I have spent way too much time not being productive, and way too much time and money on myself (I'll admit, I am addicted to a rather expensive Arcade Gundam game. It's sucked up a lot of my extra cash lately. I need to pull back bit ~_~)

I have made more friends than I would have expected to make, both Japanese and Ryougakusee (international students). I really love the people here. Shout out to Jensen, Jason, John, Bao, Hide, Colin, Yuuichi, Rudie, Ryosuke, Megumi, Aru, Yu-ta. Yuuki, Jay and Bell, Christian, Josh, Szusza, Matthew, and the rest!

I miss Kev more than I can say.

I have consumed more alcohol than ever before in my life (note: this does not mean I have been drunk. I have, by Gods Grace, avoided that.) I have discovered that I definitely hate beer, I kinda like Chu-hi (though I think grapefruit soda is better), discovered that Nihon Shu (Japanese Sake) isn`t terrible, but still just kinda tastes like rubbing alcohol, and that I don’t really like it when people get drunk, and most of the time even buzzed. Because some of the Ryogakusee might read this, I want to explain this a bit more. It’s not because I judge or am juding the people here who choose to get drunk or think less of those people. I still love the Ryougakusee and my friends and want to be around them. It just makes me sad. God tells me getting drunk is wrong, so it always makes me a bit sad when people do so, whether or not they believe they way I do. I am never convinced that I like someone more when they are drunk. I want to know you, not the alcohol you consumed, but you. If it takes me years to do that sober rather than one night drunk, so be it. But as I said I still love my friends, no matter what they do. Hopefully this makes sense and doesn't tick people off.

I have discovered that I am still very very affected by peer pressure. As I have said, I haven't gotten drunk and I don't want to, but there have been times when I have been very tempted, because I want to be part of the group. I want to be closer friends with people, and it worries me the lengths that sometimes i am willing to take. This has also applied to my talk, my habits (as far as purity goes) and other aspects of my life. I have a hole so big and devoid of love that it is not funny. Sometimes I feel that my longing to be accepted must be a least a shadow of what it is like to be addicted to drugs. I crave love, and I sometimes do things I regret to get it.

I have discovered that I am more an individual than I have ever been before. I love that this is growing out of me, that I am becoming a person, a full person, with his own identity. This has been a looong process and is mostly connected to my discovery of Grace (shown to me by God).

I have discovered that right now I am Ephesus. I have left my First Love and have become dazzled by the shiny things this world has to offer like fun, entertainment, and even friendships. I am ashamed to show myself to God, and hide from Him alot lately. I don't read my bible or pray like I should, or live in constant communion with my God. It’s sad, wrong, and pitiful.

I have let way too much sexual impurity into my life. I lust so often and so much, and I struggle to control the passions that get built up in me as a result. Please pray for me on this, I need a resuce and the willingness to put in some hard work.

I want to find the woman I can love. I want this so bad. I can't wait to find her and worry quite a bit that I have either already met her and blew my chances with her, or that I will never find her.

I have discovered I have lived a very sheltered life.

I miss my Brothers and Sisters in Christ terribly. Being a solo Christain is not easy, and I fail way too much at it. and yet...

I have forsaken the assembling of my brothers way too much since I have been here. Even today I skipped church. >_<

I have found out I have a love-hate relationship with running. I feel so much better when I do it, but I have been kinda lazy since around last fall, and have not really exercised. My 30 minute run this morning turned into a mixture of running, panting, walking, and trying not to throw up. Yet I have a goal that in two weeks I can run the full 30 minutes without stopping and by the end of the semester, to run from my dorm to my college.

I feel fat. Everyone in Japan is so much thinner than me. This is part of my motivation to start exercising.

I feel ugly and sloppy. Japanese men, in my opinion, just look better and dress better than me. This isn't helped by the fact that I gained some weight before I left for Japan, so my wardrobe is kinda limited by my size. I think this also connects to alot of self esteem issues I have. I have never really liked myself, and have never thought that highly of myself.

I have discovered that despite this long list of negatives, God loves me. And because of that I can be happy and like myself too. I really am happier than I have been in my life before, with the exception of where my relationship is with God right now. But God can and will give me grace enough to pursue him with everything in me, though this thought scares me quite a bit.

I have loved my time in Tokyo, and I have come to the point where I know I want to come back to Japan to work. To that end, I will be applying to the JET programme in the fall to come to Japan somewhere between 1-5 years to teach english. Sadly, I probably won't be in Tokyo, or even close to it, but I can deal with it. This is where I want to be, and I will do what I have to to get here. I am immensly afriad of not making it into JET because, well, I don't have any back up plans! >.< It's in God's hands and I know He will do what's best for me, but I really hope its what I want.

I hope that I can fulfill my dream of not only working in Japan, but fulfilling God's purpose for me here and elsewhere. To bring Glory to his Son's name (and stop being afraid or ashamed of my Christianity), to Love him and people with everything I got, and to tell others of Christ and his love.

Well, I have written alot today, and I am going to take a break. I will be trying to update this more regularly from now (once a week hopefully), and to contact all of my friends more steadily and faithfully.

Peace to all in Christ, and may everyone find his Love.

Jay Shirk.